The White Cliffs of Dover

Posted on November 1, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s blog: Stardate: 01.11.2013

As anyone who has ever been interfered with by the Scouts knows, ‘Be Prepared’ is the motto of the movement founded by the late great Baden-Powell. (Incidentally, has anyone else seen that Internet rumour that BP was the great, great, grandfather of Jimmy Savile? I wonder if there is any truth in it.) ‘Be Prepared’ is a motto that has stood me in good stead throughout my life. Like the time it looked like gran was going to come and live with us – and share my room. Being prepared put a stop to that.

Being prepared is all about forward thinking. I like to look forward with my writing. (My wife calls it day-dreaming. Her faith in my purpose is so painfully underwhelming.) This week I have been looking forward, preparing for the day I am playing ennie, meenie, mynie, mo with the offers of television companies for the rights to serialise the Romney and Marsh Files on the haunted fish tank.

All TV detective series need a good theme tune – something instantly recognisable, suggestive, evocative. The theme tune to ‘Morse’ springs to mind as one of the most memorable. Quite inspired.

(Give yourself a pat on the back if you know what’s coming.)

Not a lot of people know that as well as fancying myself as a bit of an author I also harbour delusions about my musical ability. I write songs and I play guitar. Before my son learnt to cry to indicate his displeasure I would play and sing to him. These days, my crooning and strumming episodes have become useful for clearing the flat of all those who are able-bodied enough to do so. My two year old only has to hear the metallic catch released on my guitar case two rooms away to start howling for the park in a sort of – and oddly appropriate – Pavlov’s dogs reaction. (Mostly, when they leave I don’t play anyway. It’s just nice to have the place to myself.)

This week I’ve put my song-writing ‘skills’ to what I believe is excellent use. I’ve written the theme tune to the forthcoming television series of the Romney and Marsh Files. It will be a contractual obligation of any production company interested in televising the books that my song is used. I am being prepared.

I had to think long and hard to find something that would provide an immediate association for listeners, something that would very quickly suggest images, ideas and links with Dover – the setting for the books – and the particular representation of it that I have chosen to present.

The result is something of a ‘pasty’ – a new term of my own devising (I am indeed truly creative) that I am gifting to the English language (add altruistic to my plus column for this week). ‘Pasty’ suggests a creative offering somewhere between a pastiche and a parody.

I am confident that readers across generations with the necessary cultural background will find the basis for the lyrics instantly recognisable and that they will then be unable to resist forming those crucial images and associations I was on about. (A word to the wise: the tune that accompanies my lyrics is not the one you’re going to want to fit the lyrics to. I believe that would be copyright infringement and therefore actionable in law.)

Romney and Marsh Song

There’ll be no bluebirds over
The grey cliffs of Dover
Not today, nor tomorrow
They took fright and flew.

So forget what you heard
From that hopeful old bird
And resign yourself to
A bluebirdless view.

The love and the laughter
And peace ever after
That was forecast to last
In a world that was freed

Didn’t wash on these shores
Where we’re fighting old wars
Against hate, crime and prejudice
Anger and greed.

So the next time you’re over
In dark, dirty Dover
Spare a thought for the police
At crime’s chalk face.

Think of Romney and Marsh
Mostly fair sometimes harsh
They’re a crime fighting duo
Not a flat windswept place.

Of course, the lyrics are only half the deal. The tune that goes with them is in the key of A minor and goes like this:

dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah,
Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah,
Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah,
Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
(Rpt. X 3)

For those who will feel moved to trawl the Internet looking for the original lyrics to ‘The White Cliffs of Dover’ I have copied and pasted them below. And I have to say what sentimental rubbish I find them to be. I think it’s safe to say it was the accompanying melody that made this ditty the success it was – that and a world war, of course.

(There’ll be bluebirds over) The White Cliffs of Dover

There’ll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow
Just you wait and see
I’ll never forget the people I met
Braving those angry skies
I remember well as the shadows fell
The light of hope in their eyes
And though I’m far away
I still can hear them say
Bombs up…
But when the dawn comes up
There’ll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow
Just you wait and see
There’ll be love and laughter
And peace ever after
Tomorrow
When the world is free
The shepherd will tend his sheep
The valley will bloom again
And Jimmy will go to sleep
In his own little room again
(After reading the previous
four lines I had to check
that I hadn’t been duped
into reading a piss-take)
There’ll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow
Just you wait and see
There’ll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow
Just you wait and see…

We’re still waiting, Gracie.

To sell out or not to sell out…

Posted on October 25, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s blog: Stardate: 26.10.2013

I receive communications almost every day from readers who have dipped their toes in my stream. This week I was contacted by a reader who has gone on to try the Acer Sansom books after the Romney and Marsh Files. (See last week’s panic post.) I am happy to report that the switch of genre and characters appeared to please the lady in question. What did concern her was that when the Acer Sansom books get Hollywood sitting up, taking notice and reaching for their cheque books would I remain true to my art and my authorial integrity and insist on Acer, for one, being played by a star who bears some physical resemblance to the hero of my books? And this got me wondering.

Everyone knows about Tom Cruise playing the part of Jack Reacher in the movie One Shot and I wouldn’t mind betting that everyone who has read and enjoyed a Reacher book has an opinion on whether Cruise should have been let anywhere near the script. (For those who are bewildered by all this, Jack Reacher is described by his creator in the same terms, physically, as one would describe a brick-outhouse. Actually, with his lack of toiletries and clean clothing he probably smells like one too. Tom Cruise, physically, resembles something that Jack Reacher might leave behind in a brick-outhouse. Nothing personal, Tom. I know you follow my blog. I’m just making a point. Still on for drinks on Saturday?)

Plenty of people I know and on online forums were appalled ne disgusted and insulted by what they saw as the author’s selling out of one of the most famous characters in contemporary fiction. I don’t even know if it was Jim Grant’s aka Lee Child’s decision to let Cruise have the name the role and therefore destroy the public image of the fictional big guy. But if it was, why? (Don’t tell me Jim needs the money.) Or whoever it was, why? Surely whoever was responbsible had some sort of vested interest in the brand ‘Reacher’. So why corrupt and ridicule it like that? Could it have been worse if they’d portrayed Reacher as a closet transvestite? I think we should be told.

Anyway, when the time comes, will I be so easily bought? Will I allow an onscreen Acer to disappoint his dozens of fans? Will I allow my author’s integrity to stand in the way of early retirement by refusing to sell Acer short (snigger)…for something as disgusting as money?

I don’t even know if this is my decision to make. I want to ask those same dozens of readers who now know Acer like I know Acer: would it really be such a big deal if Ronnie Corbett played Acer Sansom in Dirty Business the movie?

To be me or not to be me…

Posted on October 19, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s blog: Stardate: 19.10.2013

What did Will mean by that? ‘To be or not to be, that is the question.’ A lot of people think he was harping on about living and dying. Maybe he was. I’m asking myself the same thing. Not about living and dying but about my writing, or more precisely my self-publishing. Actually my focus is a little different. It’s more like this: ‘To be me or not to be me, that is the question.’

Not for the first time, I have to ask myself, what the hell am I on about?

I wrote and self-published the Romney and Marsh Files under my own name. No problem. Call it vanity if you like. I like my name and I believe it’s unique. Thanks mum and dad. Then I came to self-publishing my Acer Sansom novels and I did pause to wonder whether I should put them out under my real name. Why? Because they are not like the R&M Files. They are in a different genre. I have written them differently. The R&M Files are studded with my own brand of what I think is funny. There is no humour in the Sansoms. They are different reads regarding content, structure, pace and style. So what? So, naturally, I have been/will be actively encouraging readers who have enjoyed the R&M Files and who follow my blog or Twitter account or Facebook account or my Amazon author page to download the Sansoms. And I have good reason to believe that many have. (Thanks by the way.) But just because someone likes a British police procedural with toilet jokes does not mean that they will enjoy a serious thriller in a different style. And if they don’t enjoy the change it will probably lead to Amazon comments that come across as less than impressed. And we all know how important good Amazon comments and ratings are to sales of self-publishing nobodies, not to mention self-esteem.

And of course, I’m writing this because it’s happened: just yesterday two three star comments that both said the same thing. Liked the R&Ms, but weren’t so keen on the new stuff. Bugger. One even referred to Dirty Business as ‘boring’ in comparison. Ouch!

But what can you do as a struggling self-publisher? A great part of being successful is building a following and a platform. If you go changing your name every time you self-publish a book with a different set of characters in maybe a different genre you’ll be starting over again from scratch as a nobody. The mountain of recognition is steep and high and the climbing is not easy. Ask anyone who’s having a go at it.

So should I have put the Sansoms out under a pseudonym? To be me or not to be me, that was the question. (Was because it’s too late now for anything other than reflection where those books are concerned. The dye is cast.) And in the not too distant future, I will be self-publishing another book with new characters which is different in style again to both the R&Ms and the Sansoms. But its biggest difference is that it’s written in the first person whereas all my other stuff is written in the third. Should I put that out under my own name and risk less than favourable comparisons to previous work?

Once again it seems a case of swings and roundabouts. Because my name is familiar to some readers now through the R&Ms the Sansoms are being downloaded and given a try. Sales go up and the books become more visible in those all important charts, which leads to the possibility of new readers sitting up and taking notice and looking at Amazon comments before they buy. And there have been some very encouraging comments (several by readers who have tried the Sansoms after the R&Ms so it’s not all doom and gloom. Thanks to you. You know who you are.). But no one really takes any notice of those, do they? Everyone believes that these are comments of friends and family and the product of comments factories in Taiwan where reviews can be bought by the tonne. We gravitate to the one, two and three star comments looking for ‘truth’, ‘honesty’ and a dose of schadenfreude.

Of course, it’s not all negative. There are positives. If readers try the Sansoms and like them they might decide to give the R&Ms a try and like those too. More downloads equals more kerching and more visibility. But what if readers who come to the Sansoms first then go on to be underwhelmed by the R&Ms and leave feedback to that damaging effect? Sigh. There we are again.

I suppose what it comes down to is faith. Faith in one’s writing that it is good enough. And I do have faith, more in the Sansoms than the R&Ms, actually. And vanity of course; I like seeing my name on book covers even if I have to pay for it myself.

I have had one question answered through this thoughtful experience. I have often wondered why some traditionally published covers say things like, ‘X writing as Y.’ Clever really, but probably not as useful a ploy with ebooks. Too much writing on the thumbnail images. And it means very little if you are a nobody in publishing terms.

One thing I am now certain of: my trilogy of erotic dinosaur porn during which an Olympic squad of young and busty lady beach volleyball players accidentally fall through the fabric of space and time into a parallel dimension to find themselves in the Cretaceous Period with a bunch of randy reptiles looking for something a little less scaley to have some fun with will not be self-published under my own name. Working title: Fifty Scales of Grey. Just my luck if it turns out to be a massive hit.

You remembered!

Posted on October 3, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s Blog: Stardate: 03.10.2013

This week I had an unusual icon appear on my blog’s message notification bar. On further investigation I discovered a note from WordPress saying: Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com. Has it really been a year? I asked myself. Yes, it has. Sixty seven blog posts (not including this one) which, for those readers with something of a mental blockage where mathematical equations are concerned, is an average of over one a week. (1.288461538 and lots of other digits that I can’t be bothered to type to be precise). So what? I hear shouted from cyber space. So what? It’s a milestone, that’s what.

My Acer Sansom books have been on Amazon for just over three weeks now – how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was anxiously fumbling with the keyboard, like some green midwife delivering her first baby, trying to make sure I brought my twins into the world without a hitch. I wonder if any other self-publisher gives themselves a really pulse-racing, heart-thumping time over putting books on Amazon (Is that the right file? Is it the right edition of the right book? Did I choose the right image for the cover? What the hell does DRM mean and is it important to me? Should I click the box to be on the safe side?)

At time of typing, both books are doing reasonably well: Dirty Business is sitting at number twenty-nine in the Kindle Store>Books>Fiction>Action Adventure chart and Loose Ends is at number forty-nine. Encouraging. It really is something special to see one’s book in a chart sandwiched between Patricia Cornwell and Robert Harris, even if they are charging pounds for theirs and mine is virtually being given away. Incidentally, it’s worth mentioning that I started out with Dirty Business in the thriller category but when I saw that Loose Ends had made it into a chart I enrolled Dirty Business in the same chart to get more exposure. It’s all about exposure as Cartier-Bresson used to quip. I’ve had a couple of good comments on both books, too.

One thing I can report to myself this week with the confidence of statistical evidence to back me up is that the Romney and Marsh Files are selling quite well since the promotion day I had a week or so ago. (That’s always going to be a relative thing and I mean relative to recent sales not some blockbuster by Dan Brownstain.) Both books that I’m charging for have lurched back up the police procedural charts with all the elegance and grace of DC Grimes in hot foot-pursuit of a Dover toe-rag. Making a Killing was knocking on the door of the top twenty for a couple of days. However, no one answered and the door remains firmly shut.

I’m nearly fifty-thousand words into the fourth Romney and Marsh title. When I can find the time and the energy to have a good crack at it it moves along well, I think. But work and life are proving particularly demanding at the moment and time is just what I seem to have too little of. That and energy. I think I’m getting old. Crap.

It’s not easy writing a book, you know, when you’ve got a full-time job and other calls on your time. The further you get into it, the more you must keep on top of it. Leave it for a couple of days and you’re going to start forgetting stuff, losing threads. And then you’re going to have to have a big re-read-refresher, which can get quite annoying after a couple. Keeping notes just isn’t the same, I find. Writing is all about the mood. And all I’m in the mood for right now is bed and a good book.

Goodnight.

PS ‘Life is full of mysteries, and whether you’re working with a traditional publisher or you are an artisanal publisher (a.k.a., “self-publisher”), the potency of your marketing platform can determine your success.’ Guy Kawasaki, Advisor at Motorola Mobility. (I prefer self-publisher, thanks, Guy. I don’t find much to commend the term ‘artisanal’ for something I’m making my life’s work.)

Keywords!?!

Posted on September 19, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s blog: Stardate: 19.09.2013

I don’t make up many jokes so when I do it’s a bit of a personal event. I thought I’d begin this post with one that came to me while walking to work this week.

Did you hear the one about the Turkish driver who knocked down and killed two pedestrians on a crossing? When the police asked him what happened, he shrugged and said, ‘They’d only just gone red.’

When I opened last week’s blog post with that rather glib song quote (Back to life. Back to reality.) I had no idea just how utterly depressing returning to real life, aka reality, after a lengthy lay-off was going to prove. Having been on holiday for about two months (did I just lose you?) I had got in the way of feeling out of the rat race. I had become a smug observer on the side lines. And I liked it. After only a week back doing what they pay me for I’m finding things more than a little…trying. I feel like I don’t belong to this life anymore (I’m not dying [touch wood]). I’m the proverbial square peg. I feel more like an author than I ever have (I have five books self-published another one awaiting proofreading and another one started). I’ve done my time with the struggle as tradition demands – the balancing of day-job and family and screaming teething baby and writing into the small hours because those were the only hours I had. (I often remember my dad telling me about the author Henry Williamson. He said that Williamson would sometimes have to write with a baby on his shoulder. Now that is what I call suffering for one’s art. That’s commitment. That’s belief and dedication and passion. I like to think of that kind of trial as a rite of passage I have trodden in my own way. And Williamson didn’t have to social network. Mind you he didn’t have a laptop either. If I had to smash out a book on a typewriter or – the thought makes me want to lie down with a damp flannel on my forehead – with a pencil and paper [or quill and ink]..well, let’s just say that the Romney and Marsh Files and the Acer Sansom books would have remained the fantastical meanderings of a frustrated mind.) I can’t help feeling that if ever there was going to be a time in my life when an email came out of the blue offering rather a lot of money for the rights to my back catalogue, now would be as good as any. The way I’m feeling I’d probably contemplate selling the rights to my back passage if I honestly thought it would get me out of working for a living. Sigh

A couple of lumps of good advice to impart to myself for posterity this week.

1) When returning to a series to write another instalment – the last one of which was written a year ago – one should probably make time to read the rest of the series again first. This could be particularly tiresome if your pseudonym is, for example, Lee Child. That would make quite a number of books to wade through – I only read the first one of his and you’d have to pay me to read it again. A lot. Alternatively, if one thinks that there is the remotest possibility that one’s little book idea might lead to three, four or five involving the same characters it might be a good idea to keep some notes on the personal lives of the main players for future reference. A couple of sheets of A4 in a drawer would probably suffice. The read-em-again-athon could then be avoided. Why am I talking about this? Because I have started the fourth Romney and Marsh File and my memory is proving a little sketchy regarding aspects of Romney’s, Marsh’s and Grimes’ personal lives. Maybe I should have left Romney to die on the cold tiled kitchen floor of the Greek restaurant. Maybe I should have killed off all three and introduced new people. But then how could I continue to call it the Romney and Marsh Files? Problems, problems.

2) Keywords – the importance of. Last week I uploaded my two Acer Sansom novels to Amazon. As per the drill, for each I selected the maximum number of categories that one can list a new title in: two (2). I ignored the box underneath this part of the process – or just didn’t see it – titled Keywords. In this box one can write up to seven (7) keywords that will help one’s book find its way into, amongst other things, sub-categories in Amazon’s list of main categories – providing the book meets certain criteria, of course. The significance and importance of entering keywords never really occurred to me. I don’t think that Amazon make it particularly obvious how important these can be to a self-publisher (maybe they do). I must have sold a quick half-dozen or so of Dirty Business and for an hour the book enjoyed a sales rank of 3489 (or there abouts). From experience I know that this ranking can see a book into the top one hundred of an obscure sub-category (remember Maureen Lipman and that BT ad? You got an ‘ology? Well obscure sub-categories are the publishing equivalent of an ‘ology) and then the book becomes particularly visible to potential readers. So why was my book not showing in any categories, main or obscure sub? What was wrong? After a scour around I ‘understood’ that because I hadn’t submitted any keywords my book wouldn’t get into any of the sub-categories I was hoping for and that the sub-categories are associated with. Shitty death! Idiot! What could I do to rectify the situation? Sign in to Amazon, go to Bookshelf, choose title, access listing info, insert keywords (I’ve since discovered Amazon do have a useful page that provides suggestions of vocabulary that, if used as keywords, will help get books with the right ‘qualifications’ [more on that in a moment] into the sub-categories and visible) submit changes, press save-and-publish…and get a message saying the changes will take effect in about twelve hours if you’re lucky. NOOOOOO! The book probably will have slipped away by then. My chance to sit at the big table rubbing shoulders with household names would be lost.

As it happened, Amazon sorted it quite quickly and it still didn’t make the charts of the sub-categories despite having a higher sales rank listing than a few other titles that did get in the charts. Back to those pesky Amazon algorithms me thinks. There’s obviously more to getting into the charts than just selling books. It’s never going to be that simple is it? Qualifications and criteria.

Back to life. Back to reality. (ad nauseum). I’m laying down my pen and preparing myself mentally for reading the three R&M Files in quick succession. I’m not looking forward to this for two reasons. 1) I’m afraid that all those errors readers have told me about are going to leap off the pages at me and I’ll have to cringe it up because the books are still out there and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about all those downloads that have gone to good homes. 2) I’ve just finished two really good books – the second Travis McGee, Nightmare in Pink, and Zoo Station by David Downing. The R&M Files are going to be hard going after those two gems. (Maybe I should find some time to squeeze in some reading of real crap to make myself feel better about my own books – where did I put that copy of Killing Floor?)

Finally, my sincere thanks to those who splashed out on one or both of the Sansoms. As always, your support is much appreciated. Sales for the first week are encouraging. It’s a start.

There. That’s twelve hundred disposable words and two hours of precious time I could have invested in the fourth R&M. Now I’ve got to social network: ‘post’ ‘tweet’ ‘FB link’. Babies on shoulders? Pah! Williamson didn’t know he was born.

Some things are worth waiting for.

Posted on September 9, 2013 by olivertidy

Back to life. Back to reality. Back to the here and now. (Name that tune.) Back to the city of concrete, cars and kebabs. (That’s not the next line.)

What a truly wonderful holiday we had in Dymchurch on Romney Marsh (not to be confused with Romney and Marsh the fictitious police duo operating out of Dover, not to be confused with Inspector Dover the fictitious police officer creation of Joyce Porter operating out of Scotland Yard). All clear? Good. Let’s move on.

I wondered how to return to the blogging scene after my lengthy but incredibly well-deserved break. I thought that I’d try to generate some interest in my resurrection by including a photograph of myself on Dymchurch’s famous ‘La Plage de Costume D’anniversaire’. I decided against it.

But even that seemed not enough of a re-entry strategy into the blogoshpere. I needed something…suitably…fittingly…special. Then it hit me: why not get the new blogging season off to an explosive, high-octane start by announcing the self-publication of my two Acer Sansom thrillers, Dirty Business and Loose Ends?

How to go about it? A couple of months ago I was contacted by that enormously famous and well-respected online crime and mystery publication, ‘Thriller Ink’. They invited me to take part in a Q&A with them, which, as a desperate and struggling self-publisher, I was naturally keen to participate in. I didn’t have to pay them and they even let me write my own questions – my favourite kind of Q&A. They advised me that the article would be published in August and here is the link for anyone interested. http://thrillerink.com/oliver-tidy-author-interview/

This gave me a great and timely idea. Why not interview myself on my blog for the self-publication of the Acer Sansoms? Let’s face it, no one else wants to do a feature on me, so I might as well grab any opportunity that I can manufacture to talk about me and my writing.

So, I shunned my medication for a day, locked myself away with a tape recorder and this is what we came up with.

Transcript of interview between Oliver Tidy and his alter ego.

Great cover art. Who does it for you?

I thought this was supposed to be about the launch of my new books – my writing. Kit Foster does all my cover art. I can’t imagine asking anyone else. Next.

Are these books like the Romney and Marsh Files?

What? Do we have to talk about the Romney and Marsh books already? This is supposed to be about my new books. This must be how Rowling feels.

Who?

Never mind.

Readers will probably want to know.

OK, OK, don’t go on about it. No, the Sansoms are not like the Romney and Marsh Files. The Romney and Marsh Files are police procedurals and the Sansoms are (I hope) more like thrillers.

What do you mean, ‘I hope’? Are they thrillers or aren’t they?

Is it all going to be like this?

Like what?

Like that Jeremy Kyle off the idiot’s lantern – confrontational.

You want to do this or not?

Yes.

Thrillers or not thrillers?

(Sigh)That is always going to be a matter for the reader to decide. If I were to stake my reputation on it, I would say that in places both books are thrilling. But I don’t consider either to be white-knuckle, edge of the seat stuff, page after page after page. That would be exhausting not to mention difficult to write.

Where are the books set?

Dirty Business begins in the UK but fairly quickly the action switches to Istanbul in Turkey and then Bodrum, also in Turkey. Loose Ends starts off in Bodrum and fairly quickly the action switches to the UK. Weird that.

Why Turkey? How are you qualified to write about Turkey?

I moved to Istanbul about four years ago. I had wanted to try writing seriously for a while before then, but living in the UK with all its distractions I just never found the time. In Turkey and responsibility free, I found I had time. It seemed natural to utilise some of my knowledge of the city in which I was living. Then I got married…

Sorry, is there something wrong? You’ve gone a funny colour.

I’m OK. Can I have some water? For a couple of minutes there I forgot. Where was I? Oh yeah, so I got married and spent a couple of weeks in Bodrum in Akyrlar, a small settlement that features in the first book. And again it just seemed natural for me to include the geography. Write about what you know they say.

Oh, so you know about guns?

No.

Piloting power boats while under enemy fire?

No.

Have you ever killed anyone?

No.

Have you ever had a fight?

When I was a little boy my sister used to hit me with her dolls.

Right. So, Dirty Business was your first book. I thought that Rope Enough was your first book.

No. They go Acer Sansom, Romney and Marsh, Acer Sansom, Romney and Marsh then Romney and Marsh again. Because I had three in the R&M (Romney and Marsh) series written first I decided to launch my self-publishing career with those.

Did you try to get a traditional publishing deal?

Yes, but no one was interested and I got fed up of wasting money on P&P of manuscripts from Turkey to UK and then waiting six weeks for a ‘no’. With the advent of the ebook, I don’t know why anyone bothers trying to get traditionally published any more.

Don’t you want a traditional publishing deal?

Of course. I’d trade my two year old son for a small hardback print run and a complementary paperback edition. Actually, just paperbacks and you can have him. (He’s had all his jabs.) But I’ve stopped begging for it and I find that life is no longer quite so disappointing.

Tell us something about the books? Must they be read in order?

Each works very well as a stand-alone novel, but like the R&M’s, to get the most out of them one should read them in order.

Can I lift a couple of bits from the Amazon blurb for this bit? Yes? Good. It should give the reader a good idea of what to expect.

Dirty Business – The First Acer Sansom Novel

When a British soldier the world thought was dead resurfaces, shot in the guts, in the home of a still-warm dead man an unsavoury story of dirty business and murder begins to emerge.

A politician and a shadowy government security official make contact with him and reveal evidence of where he should be looking for answers to his questions. With their assistance, the soldier becomes embroiled in a mission for retribution and justice. And for some crimes only biblical justice will do.

Dirty Business tells how Acer Sansom returns from the ‘dead’, where he’s been for his missing year and why he is possessed with a single-minded need for vengeance. It follows his journey from the south of England to Turkey on the trail of the men responsible for the fate of his murdered family and his search for the truth.

Acer’s desire for revenge is clear. Less clear are the motives of those helping him and whose hands are soiled with their Dirty Business.

Loose Ends – The Second Acer Sansom Novel

Acer Sansom has had a narrow escape and a taste of revenge, now he’s back for the main course – British justice.

Covertly returning to the UK after a dramatic series of events in Turkey, the carefully woven fabric of the soldier’s welcome soon starts to unravel. The protection he was promised is compromised by his powerful and shadowy enemies who didn’t get where there are by leaving loose ends untied.

Now he must once again rely on his wits, his mettle, his training and his luck to get him out of trouble and to help him honour the debt he feels to a policeman friend, and his dead loved ones.

Loose Ends details Acer’s fight for survival, for justice and for vindication. A twisting journey of action and intrigue leads to a thrilling end and a possible new beginning.

They sound exciting.

Are you being funny?

No. Which is the best of the two?

I like them both. Despite Dirty Business being the first book I ever wrote, I don’t think of it of a typical first book i.e. it’s not shit. Really. Even after four years and many read-throughs and edits there are still points in the story that make my eyes sting. Not with embarrassment but with emotion. Now, I’m not promising that readers will be moved to tears with passages or events in the book, but as the author, even though I know what’s coming I can’t help myself. It’s the same with the video of my son being born. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I asked my mum if any of it made her cry and she said only when she opened the parcel and realised what I’d sent her.

As for which is the best – Loose Ends. I honestly think that Loose Ends is the best book I have written to date. Loose Ends is effing brilliant (in places).

Did you prefer writing Romney and Marsh or these?

I like writing. I don’t care what it is. When I’m into a project I don’t want to do anything else.

Writing the Romney and Marsh books makes me laugh out loud sometimes, since I realised – about halfway through Making a Killing (the second book) – where I wanted to go with the series. I don’t laugh at anything in the Sansom books. Just cry as I’ve already explained.

The Romney and Marsh Files have some black humour in them. Is there anything funny in the Sansom books?

No. There is nothing funny in these books. The only funny thing was when I misused a homophone. But that has now been corrected.

What was it?

Can we get on?

Why did you write them?

The first one seemed a good idea at the time. The second seemed like a better idea at a different time.

Where did you get the name of your central protagonist from?

Orignally, Acer Sansom was Patrick Sansom. He was Patrick for a long time until I came across the name Acer somewhere and I really liked it for this part better than Patrick. Obviously. Patrick was taken from Patrick O’Brian my favourite novelist of all time and Sansom was taken from CJ Sansom, author of the Shardlake series of books that I simply adore and have three sets of first editions of – one for each of my children. There. And I bet that CJ Sansom never drops me a line to thank me for immortalising him in eprint. Why should he? He’s a trad-pubbed star and I’m still a self-pubbed nobody. Come to think of it he’s probably made a pretty good job of immortalising himself seeing as he’s traditionally published and ebook published and audio book published.

Moving on, tell your readers about your methods for writing a novel. Do you make extensive plans, draw pictures, mind-map, have walls plastered with little yellow post-its, or anything like that when you write a book? What’s your process?

I make it up as I go along.

Really?

Really. That’s it.

Oh. Ever had writer’s block?

There was a moment – a bit of a wobble – when I was signing the wedding register. But I got through it. Mainly thanks to my father-in-law’s shotgun being pointed at my knees. Turns out she wasn’t pregnant after all.

How long are the books?

Each one is 100,000 words minus a couple of hundred. For comparison’s sake each of the R&M books are about 80,000 words.

Why is that? Was it a conscious decision?

With the R&M’s it was. I read somewhere that one has a better chance of getting traditionally published if one’s first book is around 80,000 words. Well that’s three I’ve tried and no one’s beating my door down. Maybe there’s more to it than just word count.

Any news on the publishing front?

Is this going to go on for much longer?

Who would you like to play the parts of your characters in the film versions of the books?

I have a desperate hope that Dame Judy Dench will live long enough to play the part of a certain character in Loose Ends – no names. She’s perfect for it. Just like my mum. But she can’t act. My mum that is. Funny really that, for a drama queen, I mean.

Sean Bean would have been my first choice for Acer Sansom twenty years ago (can you believe he’s fifty-four now?) No one else springs to mind.

Have you had any feedback on the books, yet? Anyone read them and given an opinion?

My mum reads all my books before anyone else. It’s a rule. It’s also a major pain. Self-publishing an ebook is hard enough, but seriously, can you imagine what it’s like trying to self-publish a book in Braille? It’s a mission. And I certainly get through the knitting-needles and paper. She always says that she enjoys them. Mind you I gave her dog biscuits to eat once when I told her I’d baked her some cookies. She said they were great, so I don’t take much notice of what she says any more. I will let the public decide (after they’ve paid for the privilege).

You’ve had quite a bit of reader-feedback regarding errors in your writing haven’t you?

What’s that got to do with this?

I was just wondering whether you have taken any steps to ensure your readers get a smoother read with these books?

Actually, yes. I made some very pleasant virtual acquaintances through the R&M Files and had several readers offer to assist me with proof-reading further work. (Make of that what you will.) Anyway, I have struck up a good online friendship with a gentleman who has been kind enough to work with me in ensuring that the Sansom books are tighter, more polished and professional reads. That said, any errors that do turn up in either of the books are entirely my responsibility, especially as I keep changing things when he’s not looking.

How are you going to price them?

In pounds and pence. Bartering was an interesting experiment, but frankly one can have too many goats, especially living in a city apartment.

Seriously, I have thought long and hard over how to price these. Part of me thinks that I already give one book away for free and the other two together don’t cost a pint of lager. But I want people to read them. Especially, I want people who read this blog and who, therefore, probably have some sort of interest in my writing to have the opportunity to purchase the new books cheaply if they feel they might be something they could enjoy. I think I owe my readers that because I love them and they have been so demonstrably supportive. Don’t believe me? Look around this blog. And, mostly, they’ve made me very happy, if not rich. But it never was about the money.

You’ve received a good deal of hate mail for DI Romney’s apparent misogynistic leanings haven’t you?

Some. So?

How does Acer Sansom feel about women?

I know what you’re trying to do. Acer is a good and decent chap. He respects all women and most of their opinions.

What do you mean, ‘most of their opinions’?

What’s with all the questions?

It’s an interview.

Sorry. Of course.

In Rope Enough you wrote a graphic sex scene involving DI Romney and his girlfriend.

Correct.

Any regrets?

No. Why?

It wasn’t popular with all readers was it?

No.

Are there any graphic sex scenes in the Acer Sansom books?

No. Sorry if that disappoints you. Acer does have sex in the books but it is implied rather than described. He only has sex with consenting adult females, none of whom he is related to. Satisfied?

I think that we should leave it there?

Good because now I must go and update all my online author biographies and profiles to include these new books. Yawn.

If anyone’s interested here are the links for the two books. Cheapest that Amazon will allow me to list for is 77p each in the UK and a little over a dollar each in the US. Get them while stocks last or before I come to my senses and put the prices up. Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dirty-Business-Sansom-Novels-ebook/dp/B00F20QDKO/ref=sr_1_18?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1378698382&sr=1-18&keywords=dirty+business

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Loose-Ends-Sansom-Novels-ebook/dp/B00F212VGS/ref=sr_1_48?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1378698532&sr=1-48&keywords=loose+ends

http://www.amazon.com/Dirty-Business-Sansom-Novels-ebook/dp/B00F20QDKO/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1378698678&sr=1-5&keywords=oliver+tidy

http://www.amazon.com/Loose-Ends-Sansom-Novels-ebook/dp/B00F212VGS/ref=sr_1_6?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1378698678&sr=1-6&keywords=oliver+tidy

So far, so bloody brilliant!

Posted on July 2, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s Blog: Stardate: 02.06.2013

I’m going on holiday tomorrow. I’m going back to the UK for five weeks. I heard that. Before you say anymore, I’m a teacher. I deserve it. Don’t believe me, try it for yourself, or ask someone you know in the job. Flipping energy-vampires. I’m knackered. And don’t forget I’m an author too. And a dad of a two year old with so much enthusiasm for life he makes Forest Gump look like a couch-potato.

This will be my last blog-post until I return to Istanbul in August. I’m having a break. I’m making that decision now so that I don’t have to suffer the self-imposed pressure to churn out another instalment in my spluttering attempts to be an author of note. (Yeah, I’ve cranked it up. I want to be an author of note now [whatever that means. Some other woolly term to trouble my sleep patterns.] not just an author. One thing that I’ve learned: in this day and age anyone can be an author.)

So this seems like a good and timely opportunity to look back on my first six monthish as a self-publisher. A bit of stock-taking as in taking stock. And please remember: this blog is essentially an on-line diary of my experiences as someone trying to make it as an author (now of note), so a six month review of how things have gone so far doesn’t seem too self-indulgent. If it does to you, you know where the delete button is.

It all started here https://olivertidy.wordpress.com/2012/09/30/stage-1-completeish/?preview=true&preview_id=3&preview_nonce=b4206811ff&post_format=standard

In early-December, 2012. I uploaded Rope Enough to Amazon and Smashwords. At the end of that month Making a Killing went up on both and in mid-January of this year Joint Enterprise joined them.

The following figures are only for Amazon UK. (The books just haven’t taken off at all across the pond. Perhaps British police-procedurals aren’t their thing. Perhaps Amazon was kinder to me in the UK by putting my books on some lists to get them noticed.) I’ve already established that I don’t do much self-promotion. Smashwords, as I have blogged, could not hold a cheap tallow taper to Amazon for me. I’m sure Smashwords works better for others.

So, through Amazon UK, Rope Enough has been downloaded over 56,000 times. (Before anyone gets too excited for me, over 55,900 of those were free downloads – list price for the sold copies netted me @35p an ebook. You can laugh.) Making a Killing has been downloaded over 4000 times. (A good number of those were through Amazon’s KDP free days. Not so funny.) Joint Enterprise has been downloaded over 2000 times. None of those were freebies. (Now who’s laughing?)

It’s really worth repeating that if Amazon had not price-matched Rope Enough – The First Romney and Marsh File to free then in all likelihood I would still be getting download figures each month in the tens. To illustrate that, February was a typical month for me for downloads: Rope Enough 8, Making a Killing 4, Joint Enterprise 2. March was a little more encouraging but the figures were influenced by my KDP free lisiting days for Making a Killing, which I had enrolled in KDP Select. After the price matching in April things really started happening. The vast majority of the downloads have come in the last three months.

The cover art cost me £100 a book. And that’s the only financial outlay that I’ve had to make.

I’ve got into blogging, something that I’ve really enjoyed. I’m as fond of my blog as I am any of my books. I tweet, but I’m less enthusiastic about that – too much noise. It’s like whistling in a summer dawn chorus.

I failed to win a place on the CWA Debut Dagger shortlist, something that I’m not embarrassed to admit I really wanted, had set my heart on and truly believed that I had a chance of.

I haven’t been idle. I have not been resting on my Romney and Marsh Files’ laurels. I have three other full length novels that are in various stages of the editing process. I have a hard-drive of ideas. I’m soon going to start the fourth Romney and Marsh.

WordPress stats tell me that my blog has been accessed by people from seventy five different countries, or places on earth that have their own flag. (See image above with a magnifying glass. I did my best.) That is an amazing stat. A great number of those people, I know, have either read a Romney and Marsh File or been scouring the Internet for information (let’s be honest, probably pictures or videos) on ‘Female Ejaculation and Gay Men’, one of my more popular blog-post titles. Were they disappointed? How I laugh every time I see another hit of that gem on the stats. https://olivertidy.wordpress.com/2012/10/09/female-ejaculation-and-gay-men/?preview=true&preview_id=217&preview_nonce=27aee416c5&post_format=standard

So what’s been the best thing about this good start that is my foray into self-publishing? People actually. Or more precisely readers. Or more specifically readers of the Romney and Marsh Files who have taken the time and trouble to get in touch and let me know what they think of the books. It hasn’t all been good. But it’s all been valuable and gratefully received. Amazon comments, comments on the blog and private emails. I have been truly bowled over by the number of readers who have contacted me to say something about the books. I’ve had some wonderful, meaningful, and useful exchanges. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve made some virtual friends. (Anyone who actually knows me is going to think that I’m either drunk or dying after reading that. I have more in common with DI Romney’s misanthropic side than I might have previously owned up to.)

If I hadn’t taken the decision to self-publish and be damned my three Romney and Marsh books would be still be skulking in the bottom of my wardrobe, under the bag of odd-socks, and I would have denied myself one of the most truly enjoyable episodes of my life.

Regrets? Not a one. I’m looking forward to the next six months.

Here’s wishing all the Romney and Marsh Files’ readers a great summer. Thank you one and all. (Even you Suzi.)

Hell hath no fury like a reader challenged.

Posted on June 25, 2013 by olivertidy

Should this book be banned?

Part 1:

Three posts in five days? What’s got in to him? What does he want now? Money? Votes? More of my time valuable?

It’s nothing like that. It’s just something worth sharing with those who I understand make time in their busy schedules to keep up to date with developments in my journey. That and I’m on holiday.

I’m an atheist. But just for the duration of this post, I’m so tempted to wonder if I could be wrong. Sometimes I have to consider whether some bored deity is having fun with me for my lack of faith.

Take the last five days for example. I wrote a blog-post on Friday chiefly concerned with my policy as an author of commenting on comments on Amazon. And what do I find today? I have my first 1* comment.

But it’s more interesting than that. The reviewer in question originally left a comment and a 2* review of Rope Enough (The First Romney and Marsh File) at the end of May. Naturally, I commented on her comment. Today the female in question has edited her comment and downgraded her rating from 2* to 1*. She gives her reasons for this as you will see should you wish to check the exchange out here. You can link to my comment, which I haven’t altered, from hers.

I’m quite sure that the revision of her perspective and downgrading had nothing to do with her logging on to her Amazon account, seeing that I’d left a comment on her comment and then feeling the overwhelming urge to ‘teach that facetious git a lesson.’

Will it stop me from continuing my practice my way? No. Does it bother me? Given the motives that I suspect are behind her actions, no. Really. I find it quite amusing. What’s more, I honestly feel that I don’t have to respond or make a fuss or take it personally. At the time of writing this Rope Enough has 206 reviews. They are split thus: 119 – 5*, 70 – 4*, 14 – 3*, 2 – 2* and now 1 – 1*.

I don’t feel the need to get funny with her. I am happy to let other readers’ feedback speak for the book.

Part 2:

While I’m here, I’d like to take the opportunity to offer my heartfelt thanks to all those who responded to my plea for support for the Romney and Marsh Files yesterday. I have to admit to approaching feelings of a sentimental nature. And that would not do.
Have a good day everyone.

Calling all Romney & Marsh fans!

Posted on June 24, 2013 by olivertidy

Hello all,

This is me trying a bit more self-promotion. It’s bound to come across as desperate because I am.

Here is a link to a regular feature that The Guardian is running about self-published authors.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jun/20/self-published-author-series?CMP=twt_gu

If anyone who has read and enjoyed the R&M Files and has five minutes on their hands would care to give me a shot at a potential boost, I would be extremely grateful.

Thanks in advance. And if you’re going to do it, please do it quickly before approximately ten million other self-pubbers see this and get the same idea 🙂

Also, in my last blog-post titled ‘No Comment?’ I regret not including that I wanted to hear from readers about how they feel regarding authors like me commenting on their comments on Amazon. Please, feel free to chip in. All contributions valued. But not till you’ve filled out that on-line form. Please!

No Comment?

Posted on June 21, 2013 by olivertidy

Writer’s blog: Stardate: 21.06.2013

Part 1:

It is my policy to comment on all the Amazon comments that my Romney and Marsh Files encourage – the warm, the tepid and the frosty. It wasn’t something that I determined to do from the outset, from the moment I went off the rails (self-published). It just sort of happened. I got a couple of good comments and I thought that it would be polite to say thanks (I was feeling a bit euphoric, naturally).

Of course, when one starts something like that one can start to feel obliged to continue the practice in case one hurts someone’s feelings. Like buying flowers for a spouse, or giving pocket money to offspring it can become a rod for one’s own back. That’s one reason why I do neither.

But to my mind, it has to be done for all the comments – the good, the bad and the fugly. If you ignore a comment that isn’t very complimentary, people would soon probably start thinking of you as some variety of chicken-shit – all right all the time things are going well, sucking up to the five star reviewers, but as soon as someone has a pop you retreat behind the curtain of invisibility that is your ISP number and sulk.

After I’d been commenting on comments for a few weeks, I started to see it as quite a good thing to do. Mostly, they don’t take longer than a text message or a tweet. It’s not a chore. Clearly, hardly anyone reads them – I’ve only had a handful of replies to my comments on comments – but those that noticed them seem to have been pleased at my engagement. And I’ve had some very interesting discussions with a couple of readers that I know led to a revision of the reader’s thinking of me as an author and more importantly of my writing – in a good way.

I still think that it makes sense and I cannot understand why more authors, especially the self-published desperados like me, don’t use the opportunity to engage with readers and, in so doing, demonstrate to other prospective downloaders who might be thinking about taking a chance on one’s books that one is a seriously nice bloke who, although one is obviously a really busy creative type can still find time in one’s cramped schedule to ‘reach out’ to one’s readers. Also, prospective downloaders might be persuaded to take a punt on a book if they see the author as prepared to engage with readers and show some gratitude for their time and trouble and purchase (if relevant).

So this week, I would really like to hear from self-publishers who do or don’t reply to comments and their reasons for their policy. Go on, share. Or are you a chicken-shit?