The girl on the in the with the who the where the why the what the f**k the…

Unhappy Families (Large)

Just opening with a reminder that the above book is the next one out and it’s on its way. It moved a step further down the production line this week.

I’m not sure whether to do the same as I did with Particular Stupidities (R&M#5) ie the pre-release purchase thing. I think it helped sales, but I don’t really know. What do you think?


Has anyone else noticed the proliferation of titles available at the moment, and doing well, that start with ‘The Girl…’?

The Girl on the Train

The Girl with No Past

The Girl in the Red Coat

The Girl With All the Gifts

The Girl in a Box

The Girl in a Swing (an oldie that I remembered).

The Girl Who Saved the King of Sweden

The Girl Who Wasn’t There

The Girl Who Fell From the Sky

The Girl Who Walked on Air

The Girl Who Wouldn’t Die

The Girl Who Broke the Rules

The Girl Who Walked in the Shadows

The Girl in the Spider’s Web

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl Who Played With Fire

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

I’m sure there are more but I suddenly felt I had better things to do than find out.

(I wonder if the later titles were all just making use of Stieg Larsson’s highly successful millennium trilogy. And if he stole it from Richard Adams.)

And you should see the number of titles available with the word ‘girl’ in them. Pages and pages and pages.

I’m thinking about getting in touch with my cover designer to see if we can change the title of R&M#6 to The girl on the in the with the who the where the why the what the fuck the unhappy families. Kinda catchy, no?


Something I did last week has given me a great idea for some promotional work. Some of you may have seen this image that I put up last Sunday:

nice work

Well it got me thinking about other things that an author can do and call it work. Here is a small list that I came up with fairly quickly. (Perhaps because they are all quite familiar to me.)

  1. Staring thoughtfully out of the window.
  2. Drinking coffee in Starbucks and people watching.
  3. Lying in a hot bath with a cold beer reading great books .
  4. Mooching about town sampling the weather and looking at builidngs.
  5. Surfing the Internet for book titles with the word ‘girl’ in them. :-/
  6. Standing on the pavement in the pouring rain outside my local Waterstones display window, house-brick in one hand, half-empty (not half-full) bottle of vodka in the other, tears streaming down my face.

So what? I hear you cry.

I thought I could hire a professional photographer to take pictures of me doing twelve ‘authorish’ activities and then I could use the images to have calendars printed. On each month’s page there could be one of the photos, a cover of one of my books and maybe a good review of the book. (What else made me think this would be a good idea is that when the next two R&M’s are out I’ll have twelve books available for downloading. And there are twelve months in the year.)

I thought I could give the calendars away for free as a promotional tool.

Maybe it would help if I took it one stage further and jumped on the Calendar Girls bandwagon. I’m in fairly good shape these days, even if I do say so myself. (Although sitting naked in my local Starbucks could create problems.)

If anyone has any suggestions of ‘authorish’ activities that would make good images for my racy calendar, please don’t be shy.


Acer#4 continues to develop. The word count is now up to 40,000. (I’m realise I’m a bit obsessed with word count. I think it’s because I never write anything longer than 100,000 words and when I get past 50,000 it feels sort of like I’ve broken the back of the current project.) Oh and I might have a title for it: Deep State.

When I’m writing a book and I get an idea for something to be either a recurring theme or just something of a one off that it occurs to me needs to go in somewhere I’ll type a note at the beginning of the document for myself. That way I get to see it and be reminded of it often. I have one sentence that’s been hitting hitting me over the head from early on in Acer#4. It’s based on some reader feedback of the others: Acer needs to be more savvy in this one. The way things are going he’s going to need to be if he’s to survive it.


And finally a ‘funny’ story.

PB: 10k – 40.05

PB: 5k – 19.22

22 thoughts on “The girl on the in the with the who the where the why the what the f**k the…

  1. For a title you could try “The girl who Romney arrested” worth ago. When you release your next book, arrange with Waterstones in Dover to do a signing, you will of course need some books to sign.

    • 🙂 You might just have given me a good idea, David. Trouble is I’ll have to write a book in which Romney arrests a young female. Could be awkward.
      As for real, physical books… one day. 🙂
      Best wishes.

  2. Have you thought of a calendar which included twelve of your elderly female fans from your actual Romney Marsh? There are certainly at least twelve of us (as you know!) . We could each hold one of your books and wear an intelligent expression! We would each guarantee to buy a calendar so that would be sales of twelve! On second thoughts then perhaps not……

  3. Like the idea of a calendar, calendar-girl style – with twelve of your female fans holding the books to cover-up those ‘buns’. I’d be up for it, but I’d have to be photo-shopped first (or is it shot?) Mind working overtime now, I can just see the other half’s expression when you start receiving all those nude photo’s. In my case she’d think you were in to granny porn. As for ‘The Girl’ title, it has been done to death, and because you’ve brought it to my attention I have just changed the title of my 6th book which was called, ‘The Girl Who consorted with a Man from MI6 who is sent to Assassinate a Gang of Paedophiles.’ Glad I did change it, as there’s now room on the cover for my name. 🙂

      • Hi Oliver,
        Joking aside, I did change the title of my 6th novel as when I looked for the title on Amazon I found there were quite a few. There is not one single book with the title I plumped for: I checked. Only finished the novel yesterday so, no way, will it be out for Xmas. Editing, proof-reading, typos etc. etc. to be done. And I haven’t got a cover yet, but have an idea for one. I really don’t want to rush it out, might have made some monumental cluster-f**k with my research, so have to check it out carefully. At least I am ending the year on a high as three of my books have found their wings.
        BTW I am using ‘The Girl…’ title myself, so no, you can’t have it. 🙂
        Best wishes.

      • Hi Pat
        Wondering whether to go with a unique title is always something I go through with one of mine. Sometimes I’m lucky and something just occurs, like Particular Stupidities (bet we don’t see many of those on Amazon…ever!) But other times, as with Acer #4 the title is just so apt that I can’t beat it, even though it’s already been used a few times.
        You’ve still got plenty of time to get the book out. But I know the anxiety of needing to make sure everything is as perfect as it can be.
        Best wishes.

  4. I’m not sure whether to do the same as I did with Particular Stupidities (R&M#5) ie the pre-release purchase thing. I think it helped sales, but I don’t really know. What do you think?
    >>>>> YES PLEASE <<<<<<

  5. Please do the pre-relase purchase! Waiting anxiously for this one. (Ane–your review of Stephen King’s Misery inspired me to read it–I’ll probably go back for another of his sometime.

    • Thanks for your comment and interest in the next R&M File. The decision is made. Pre-release it will be. I’m thinking of another King novel too, soon. Glad you enjoyed Misery.
      Best wishes.

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