A Dog’s Life (part 2)

Yes, it's the same image as last week's blog, but I am trying sell a book here.

Yes, it’s the same image as last week’s blog, but I am trying sell a book here.

Writer’s diary: stardate: 14.03.2014

Did I mention that A Dog’s Life (The Fourth Romney and Marsh File) is on its way? I have the smell of the expectant first time father about me. The chemical cocktail of hopeful anticipation, anxiety, fretfulness, worry, concern (not much positivity is there?) is seeping out of my pores to coat me with a fragrant musky scent. People who’ve strayed into my orbit this week have been wrinkling their noses.

I’ve got the Amazon blurb ready, which I see no harm in sharing here.

He’s alive! Oh, in the name of God! Now I know what it feels like to be God!

Contrary to vicious Internet rumours, DI Romney is not dead. He returns in this, the fourth Romney and Marsh File, to lead his team of Dover detectives in the hunt for doers of dastardly deeds. He’s also looking for answers to more personal mysteries.

The wind of change is blowing through this town. Whether we like it or not, this growth of local crime is a complete fiction.

Broken homes, broken dreams and broken bodies are just some of the cheerier aspects of the R&M File that goes to show it’s a dog’s life.

Full money back guarantee if you don’t enjoy this book. (T&C Apply)

A few of you might wonder at my exceedingly generous offer to refund the purchase price in the event readers are disappointed with this offering. Lots of the big guns have done something similar over the years. It’s a sales gimmick, of course, but it just might encourage a few fence-sitters to topple my way.

I’m reminded of a despicable episode from my book-buying past. I will share it here by way of seeking absolution through my confession. I would one day like to be able to express my sincerest apologies to the author in question.

When Karin Slaughter brought out her debut novel Indelible it came with a wrap around band offering the reader that if you didn’t enjoy the book simply return the till receipt to a given address and you’ll get your money back. I reckon there was probably more than just me who did this (I did it at least three times in various family names) because the next time I saw a similar offer they wanted the book back as well. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the book. I still haven’t read it. It’s that I was then well into my book-collecting phase and the chance of getting debut crime novels (first editions, first impressions in mint condition) for nothing was just too tempting for a bibliophile with a problem and not much disposable income.

I have wondered over the years whether my cheapness had any real effect on Ms Slaughter’s writing career. I’m a bit ashamed of myself for what I did.

Anyway, stable doors and all that. I too have learned from her publisher’s rather rash (IMHO) offer. Yes, I will offer to refund the purchase price but you’ll notice I have bracketed those pesky T&Cs.

I need to formalise and finalise these, but roughly speaking they’ll be as follows:

1) Call at my home for a cash refund. (That’s my Istanbul home). There is no postal/electronic payment alternative.

2) Refunds will be given in Turkish lire calculated at that day’s rate of exchange.

3) Proof of purchase must be provided.

That’s it.

There is just one piece of advice I’ll offer those who travel here to take me up on my offer: make sure you’re wearing running shoes ‘cos my Dobermans are quite quick. (I keep them hungry). And it’s a long way from my front door to my ten foot, razor-wire topped entrance gates, which I can close remotely from the house (oh and they’re usually electrified).

A Dog’s Life – The Fourth Romney and Marsh File – is coming soon to a Kindle near you.

13 thoughts on “A Dog’s Life (part 2)

  1. Oliver

    Never mind all the waffle… get the new R&M published… I have my £1.99 here waiting to be spent. Currently reading Sara Sheridan’s ‘Brighton Belle’ so I need ‘A Dog’s Life’ to be available by the time I’ve finished that.

    I’ve not read any of your Acer Sansom books yet but I’m keeping those in reserve.



    • Haha I can’t help myself, Jim. Born to waffle. R&M #4 is with my friend who does my proofreading. I’ve set myself the target of April 1st for publication. Am I tempting fate, I wonder.
      I look forward to seeing what you make of Acer. They’re a bit different from the rest of my output.
      Best wishes.

    • Jim…you must read the Acer books…really good and I would recommend them. I am very patiently waiting for the 3rd in the series. Clearly, Oliver is not working hard enough 🙂

      • LC

        The problem I have is if I read the Acer books I’ll have read all of Oliver’s output and I’ll have nothing in reserve . I like to keep something in reserve for ’emergencies’. Although I have to admit that I don’t know what sort of emergency could be dealt with by having a good book to read.

        It may be the case that I need professional help. 🙂



      • Ah, if only you knew just how hard I’m working on Acer#3 and how hard going it is. I’ve mentioned my trials in this week’s forthcoming blog-post. I should warn you, there is some bad language. Sorry. But thanks for the recommendation.

  2. Well, I will definitely be buying the book, especially now that it comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. I also love the light hearted waffle, at least I hope that it’s light hearted and that I’m not forced to travel to Istanbul with some wire cutters and a can of dog repellent if the book isn’t up to the usual standards. I’m on the last pages of the second Acer Samson book and I have a Booker And Cash to read yet, so no great hurry. Russell.

    • Glad to know it, thanks. If you do need those wire cutters, might I suggest you get the ones with the insulated handles, and that you wear rubber shoes. I hope Acer #2 is living up to your expectations. Drag B&C out ’til the end of the month and I should be ready.

      • Shocking! But many thanks for the warning, however I’ll be wearing a rubber frogman’s suit over my DJs anyway. 😉
        I’ve just finished Loose Ends and I loved it, fabulous ending by the way. Not exactly happily ever after, but loads of openings for the next book. Definitely 5 stars on Amazon and in my opinion, your best book yet. Thank you for writing it.

      • Good to learn you enjoyed Loose Ends. Thanks for your kind words. I agree – it’s the best book I’ve written. I’m confident that anyone who enjoys the first will similarly like the second as much, if not more.
        I will be very interested to see what you think of Bad Sons when you get around to it.
        Best wishes.

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